the one with the Pot Brownies
by syriana94
Summary: [Set between 3x09 and 4x01; M for chapter 2.] Young lady Rose finds an innovative recipe involving lot of chocolate and a very special "herb". Unfortunately the firsts to try the peculiar dessert are not the right ones. Crazy, fluffy, (very)high Cobert messing around the estate. The most terrific fun! • CRACK!FIC •
1. baked & tasted

**NdA: Hello and Happy Easter! Around a month ago I received this prompt and decided to give it a try!  
It's something humoristic (at least it was my intent) and without any pretenions, just something to read for some fun with Robert & Cora. **

**It's going to be a couple of chapters I think but who can tell.  
I won't update regularly but only when I'll have some spare time to continue it.**

 **Hope you enjoy it!**

 **As always, English is NOT my first language, so forgive my mistakes!**

 _{summary: Young lady Rose finds an innovative recipe involving lot of chocolate and a very special "herb". Unfortunately the first ones to try the peculiar dessert are not the right people.} Cobert + members of the Crawley family in no particular orded of importance.  
_

* * *

BAKED & TASTED

"We have to do something, Edith. Mary is driving everyone crazy!" Rose was whispering, though her strong Scottish accent was prevailing on every words. Edith nodded.

"I know. But papa is highly convinced that the best thing for Mary is to leave her be. He's going to get mad at both of us if we don't pay attention." the younger girl glanced the other. She didn't want to be disrespectful of course, especially now that she was a guest in their very house, but it was clear she thought that was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.

Edith silently agreed.

"Well.." continued Rose "We can start with a tea party. Just the three of us."

"It would be certainly a start." Edith sighed loud. "It's a miracle if she gets her dinner with us."

"It's settled then!" the second-born of the Crawley watched stumped as the girl before her peeped in excitement; maybe too much just for a tea party for three.

"You've got something in mind." she stated. Rose's wide smile died in an instant while she was shrugging her shoulder absent-mindedly. "Spill it."

The girl crafty grinned.

"Just if you promise you won't tell." Edith nodded not too much confident but decided to play along, mostly for curiosity.

Rose grasped her wrist and dragged to her room, starting to search for something right away. She tousled her wardrobe, her smallest suitcase and after entire minutes of restless investigation, beneath the astonished look of Edith, Rose held in front of her a small paper bag. It smelled funny.

"What is it?" Edith carefully opened the package, revealing a strange green dust with a kind of moist texture.

"I want to make a very special chocolate dessert." she simply stated. Her wide smile was just not right.

In a flash, Edith remembered everything: her aunt Rosamund, her last trip to London, her funny stories about a special herb with weird qualities.. her aunt was the most modern person she knew and yet she told her to keep distance from that stuff, that it was very disliked within high society and that it was dangerous – even if she didn't specified for what reason.

"Oh no." Edith shook her head "You won't do a thing!" she folded up the bag in hurry and handed it back "Are you out of your mind, Rose? You'll get us into serious troubles!"

"Don't be boring!" Rose laughed back "Mary does needs some ease, you know it. It'll give her just some happy feelings for a couple of hours.. it can't be bad! We will be there with her. I promise we'll be careful.. you're the wise, Edith, you'll keep an eye on the whole thing." she begged with a serious look.

"That's for sure." Edith huffed. She was fighting between common sense and what was best for her sister.

Life was funny: tree years ago she would've paid for having Mary in compromising situation and she would have never thrown a party – even a tiny one – with the only purpose of cheering her older sister up and now.. she was worrying about her safety, thinking if that was the best solution to their problem, if that was something to do or to avoid.

"You'll help me?" the small voice of Rose woke her up from her thoughts.

Edith closed her eyes and sighed loudly.

"Fine. But you have to promise me that the effects last a couple of hours tops. Granny is coming over for dinner tonight." Rose deeply nodded, her face full of juvenile fervour for something absolutely new to try.

* * *

"Mr. Carson, can I have a word with Mrs. Patmore?" the butler was clearly surprised by the presence of lady Edith downstairs: the last time he saw her down there she was four and looking for cookies in tears.

"Of course milady." he bowed a little and preceded her toward the kitchen.

All the valets and maids at the table shot themselves up form their seats like springs.

"Mrs. Patmore." the deep voice of Carson called the red-haired cook and she turned to them with a bright smile.

"Yes, Mr. Carson?"

"Lady Edith wishes to have a word with you." Mrs. Patmore smiled once again a stepped closer to her mistress.

"How can I help you, milady?"

Edith curled her lips in a tiny smile. She remembered the speech she tried on the stairs with Rose and she was ready to play her part.

"Mrs Patmore. I need a big favour from you." the woman nodded and smiled. "You see, mama tried this dessert while we were in Scotland and I heard her the other night saying she would've loved to taste it again. Now, I know you're the most fantastic cook and I'd like to know if it is possible to make this surprise to my darling mama.. she deserved a little gift." she had Mrs Patmore when she mentioned her cooking skills.

"Of course, milady!" she peeped "How's this dessert called?"

Edit strived to remembered the name Rose said to her.

"Clootie Dumpling? It's a-a pudding." the woman brooding nodded.

"Yes.. yes. I heard of it, it shouldn't be difficult. But I need to buy something." Edith endeavoured not to show her relieved smile.

"Is it a problem, Mrs. Patmore?" I really don't want you to-"

"Of course not, milady!" the woman fussed and unfolded her apron "I can go right now. I have spare time.. I'll take Daisy with me." Edith once again bit her inner lips not to burst into tears of joy.

"Excellent." she almost sang that word "I knew I could count on you, Mrs. Patmore!"

* * *

"Now please be careful. I hope you do know what are you doing." Edith walked in front of Rose, carefully not to make noises while descending the stairs to the kitchen.

"We won't mess up!" she whispered back the younger blonde.

Edith groaned between her teeth.. oh she was beginning to regret her decision.

"How long it will take?" she gestured to proceed. Rose shrugged her shoulder while reading the little yellow paper she held.

"Twenty minutes top. That's what it says." Edith nodded: 20 minutes couldn't be that long.. perhaps with a little fortune they would have not be caught.

"How can I help milady?" both Rose and Edith gasped loudly. Ivy stared at them with wide open eyes.

"You gave us a fright!" Rose was laughing. Edith was dying.

"I beg you pardon milady.. I-I" the older blonde swallowed.

"Sorry to bother you, er-"

"Ivy, milady."

"Ivy. We were wondering if.. it could be possible.. to cook a dessert for.. Lady Mary." she mumbled. The maid nodded with a smile.

"Of course. I can bring all up with the tea as soon as-" Edith stepped closer to her.

"You see Ivy.. _we_ would like to make the dessert. It's a surprise. We're trying to cheer her up." Rose's calm voice interrupted her.

"I see, milady." Ivy nodded with a sweet grin "But I- Mrs Patmore.. I think she won't be pleased." Ivy started to feel uncomfortable.

"You can blame me, Ivy." stated Edith with an unusual sweet voice. "You can stay here and oversee." Edith gasped when Rose's elbow hit her hip. "We aren't exactly the perfect chefs." she tried to giggle.

Rose bit her lips: well she couldn't deny that, in fact she didn't know where to start. Beside, that girl seemed quite young and innocent: she would have never question her mistress' intention and she would have not certainly betrayed her. She was perfect.

* * *

"I do not understand. What is this nonsense?" Mary's voice was flat and impatient. She was wearing all-black as usual and her hair was combed in a very sober and elegant way that added at least 20 years to her real age. In that house she seemed the Granny, not Cora. "It's just a waste of time."

"We would love to have you with us, Mary dear." Rose wide smile drove her attention toward the youngest among the group.

"You really surprise me." Mary's smile was cold as ice. She turned directly to Edith, sincerely astonished that her sister, the one who shared hate with, committed herself with Rose to organized something for her, even a simple tea.

"You're my sister, Mary." Edith tried to smile herself, but she ended up doing a cracked wince.

"I know." it was like talking to a ghost. Mary sighed gravely and rolled her brown eyes "Let's get over with this." she stepped between them, preceding the two in the library like the head of a mournful committee.

* * *

Cora stepped slowly into the library. She'd heard some voices, one Rose's, one Edith's and the last one, she could have swear it was Mary's.  
Last thing she wanted was to interrupt their conversation while the blondes of the family succeeded in bringing her oldest daughter down for some thoughtless time.

She was going to meet Robert any minute for their usual walk outside and suddenly she remembered the book she left unattended in the library.. Cora couldn't let anyone find that, even if it was an innocent fashion magazine, she was shy about its contents: modern clothes both for night and day. She surely had to discuss with Robert about those, before buying anything, for she had some doubts regarding the -maybe too much- bare skin involved.

Cora peeked from behind a bookshelf. Mary was looking exactly in her direction.

"Mama." she sighed, closing her eyes; Cora couldn't tell if that face was of relief or annoyance. "Please join us." her voice was awfully unstressed.

"I'd love to, darlings." she stepped carefully toward them, her blue eyes rushing around searching for the book. "I have to meet Robert for a walk." she bent down a little, took the magazine from the orange armchair and held it close to her chest with an innocent smile. "You have fun."

"Fun." at the ironical exclamation of Mary, Cora realized that maybe she used the wrong word. " _They_ had fun. They spend quite some time in the kitchen." Mary glanced the two with satisfaction: that was her idea of fun.

"You cooked?" Cora's eyes was glimmering and her lips parted.

"We did, cousin Cora." Rose tried to pour some tea for her, but she politely declined her offer.

" _Rose_ did." Edith, panicking, tried to blame the youngest, thinking that maybe her dear mother would reserved a punishment only to her.

"Oh." Cora stepped closed to her, brushing her finger's apex on Rose's chin "Just like my darling Sybil." Rose smiled sweetly at Cora's wet eyes. "May I?" she was pointing at the brownies' plate.

Neither Rose nor Edith had now enough heart to say her _'no'_.

"Mama I-I" Edith strived to show her other vanilla cookies, one of her favourites "Try this one." Cora shook her head.

"But I'd love to try one of Rose's creation." Rose mumbled broken words without really knowing what to say, Edith was promoting any kind of sweets without success, Mary was enjoying the whole scene sipping from her tea cup.

But none of those things prevented Cora from giving a bite at one of the top brownie.

Edith hid her face behind her palm and Rose sighed with closed eyes.

"You did good, Rose dear." she was smiling, completely unaware of the situation. Then she took napkin and filled it with a couple of more sweets. "I'll take these to Robert." she stated firmly with a joyous face, taking her exit.

Edith snapped Rose with a furious glance.

"Are you happy now?" Mary moved her catty eyes between the two.

"What have you done?" her voice was condescending "You can tell me now.. or I'll find out." Rose slid helplessly on the couch.

"You'll definitely find out.. as soon as they come home. You'll see with your own eyes."

"Oh my God." Mary jumped on her chair at the loud whine of Edith. She was looking at her sister with an amused glance without really covering it. The blonde curved her face in thousands of winces and desperate expressions before bursting into a pity whimpering. "We stoned our parents!"

Mary laughed so loud at them like she didn't in ages.


	2. 17:30

**NdA: Hello and welcome back! I had some spare time and a lot of ideas, so here's the update for this mad little story.**

 **It's mostly a romantic (!M) thing, very soft actually, no smut.** I did have some fun with my previous romantic thing in _Dangerous Games_ (I was awfully nervous too) and I've become more confident about my writing (hope not to sound too conceited) so I decided to try again and dwell a little. Well, I needed some Robert and Cora being fluffy and romantic and.. crazy. Yes, because they're getting craaazy :) **  
**

It's NOT going to be a couple of chapters.. I also decided to write silly stuff as soon as they come to mind, so it's more than planned (maybe 3 or 4 updates we'll see). **  
I won't update regularly though, so I'm sorry about that!**

Thank you all so much! To everyone who read it, followed and even favourited. My deep gratitude to all reviewers: lullin, witchoesed, mr./mrs. Guest and latifraise! You made my day!

I'm done now. Here's your chapter. **  
Hope you enjoy it!**

 _[English is NOT my first language, so forgive my mistakes!]_

* * *

17:30

Cora giggled before brushing away a brown crumb with her thumb from Robert's corner of the mouth.

"Are you sure they didn't mind, darling?" Robert shook quickly his head with a goofy smile.

"Positive." his hand was supporting a white plate full of crumbs. It was once full of brownies, Rose and Edith's brownies, but now they were all gone.

After the little taste Cora'd offered to his husband, they'd sat on the bench under the tree, discussing whether or not returning inside to ask for more; Cora had begged him with childish voice and he couldn't resist: Robert had sneaked into the library with an innocent grin, absent-mindedly pointing at the plate at the centre of the tea table, which contained a luxurious pyramid of brown, sweet, squares.  
He'd asked the reason why they didn't touch those and he was really surprised that none of the girls liked the dessert -at least so they said-, while Cora and him loved it so much.  
So now taking the whole plate, was a way for showing Rose their appreciation of her great work and he didn't feel guilty for depriving his daughters and his niece of the spectacular creation.

"Well, better for us." she giggled again, sucking on her thumb, savouring the little crumb: it tasted like chocolate, honey, _happiness_ and her husband.. it was just the perfect mix, all in one, tiny piece.

Robert chuckled on the sight of that really unladylike movement of his wife and he brushed his index on the plate, collecting most of the brown dots, before mimicking Cora's action with a little exaggeration.

"You silly man." she chuckled, enjoying a soft gust of wind. It was barely spring time and the sun was warm enough to let them stay on their bench without feeling a chill, at the opposite, they started to feel rather _too_ warm.

"Cora are you quite all-right?" Robert was watching amused his wife's blushing cheeks and her lips growing red.

"I feel dizzy." she confessed with a tiny laugh. He gave her a tender glance.

"A little walk to the river?" suggested Robert, standing up and offering Cora his arm; she slid her left hand under his elbow, clasping at his light coat with her long, ivory fingers.

* * *

It took around half an hour to get to the river and in the meanwhile they'd tripped over several non-existent roots, escaped to twenty violent attacks from peaceful birdies that were flying high above their heads and laughed their heart out of some little, more than ordinary, blades of grass which for somewhat reason were bent curiously.  
They were alone and they screamed that evidence just to giggle at the answer of the echo between the hills. They were quite content of the loneliness and if they were more themself, they would have been rather happy too: the behaviour of a lord and a lady was far from them by now.

"Look the river has swollen!" Cora was pointing unsteadily to the water flow. Robert nodded with enthusiasm.

"Come, let's see if the lake has formed!" he pulled his wife from her wrist with a playful face, she followed him with the same expression.

It was the first time in many years that the snow hadn't arrived and the weather had been sunny and warm most of the time.. that had been a strange winter with no frosting and long outdoor walking all the afternoons.  
The trees didn't seem to have suffered like in past years, the ground was still soft and the grass had been green and yellow, flourish and strong for the whole time.

The estate's wood, that day, seemed to take them into a little piece of spring and heaven, with green trees with little new blossoms already forming, emerald musk on the ground, birds singing and the constant and relaxing sound of the water running between the roots.

"It has!" peeped Robert, gesturing to the green lake before them. It was a large body of dirty water, pooling in the centre of the wood, dead leafs and sticks and insects floating upon the greenish surface – greenish because of the mud and the slime and the other disgusting things inside it.

"It's marvellous." somehow, she only could see a piece of paradise with transparent water surrounded by hundreds of thriving tropical trees and white sand.

He answered with a cracked and horrified wince, but Cora didn't pay any attention to it.  
In fact, she threw her hat away, following the item with her eyes while it was flying slowly to the ground. She giggled when it ended up in a puddle of dark mud "Uhh that'll give some extra work to Mrs. Hughes." Robert noticed that her glow-in-the-dark blue eyes had gone darker, yet he couldn't focused: he _did_ find that thought rather funny.

He curled down his lips absent-mindedly and threw his own hat away like a frisbee, delighted when he heard his wife's ringing laugh.

"Let's not make her feel alone, then!" he yelled out, throwing his fists in the air like he'd won the final cricket match when his grey hat fell in the centre of the lake. "Score!" he called out. Cora clapped her hands, cheering him with loud voice.

"Isis, fetch!" she patted playfully her hands on her thighs and after a couple of minutes she realized they didn't bring the dog with them. She huffed and unfolded her coat, letting it pool around her boots.

Robert watched blankly his wife when she began to squirm.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously when he noticed her uncoordinated fingers fussing around the back closures of her dress.

"Well-" she stuck her tongue between her lips, her eyes completely focused "I'm going to take a bath." she simply stated, like it was the obvious thing to do.

"Sweetheart, it's April." he whined. Of course the winter was passed by and it was not _that_ cold, but it was still cold.

Robert squeezed his eyes. His sight was going cloudy and surprisingly he started to feel quite warm beneath his coat, but he didn't want to admit it.

"It's hot." she waved a hand near her face. He cheeks were indeed rosy and not even one chill appeared on her shoulders when she succeeded in removing her dress, which it met the other cloth on the ground. "I'm hot." she dipped her toes on the lake, closing her eyes and humming like it was the best sensation in the world.

Robert was witnessing with his lips parted and a stupid face. He was watching his wife in her undergarment in the forest, in the middle of one afternoon of April, before the lake, with her feet in the water – which he couldn't tell anymore if it was still a disgusting puddle of dirt or a stunning tropical pool – and he just couldn't think straight.

"Of course you are." he chuckled "Very hot indeed."

"Care to join me?" her voice was husky and lecherous and mischievous and he found it seductive in all the best manners.

Robert blandly nodded, urging his own fingers to work fast in order to unbutton his coat and jacket and shirt and trousers and all the other items that could keep him from joining his splendid wife into the water.

He was quite reluctant at first, but his Cora knew exactly how to persuade him.  
She waited until he was right behind her and a second before he could catch her with his arms, she stepped forward, chuckling when her husband grasped the air, hugging back to himself.

"Minx." he hissed between his teeth, with a voice that could be easily be misunderstood: he was joking or he was speaking the truth?

"How dare you?" she snapped him, looking over her shoulder with a shocked glance. "You're paying for this." she stated, at the double into the lake. At the time her knees were under water, she jumped in with an elegant dive.

Robert watched the whole scene with drowsy eyes. He waited for his wife's resuming, water at her hips, glancing foolishly at the slim cotton petticoat, now soaked, covering her perfect body like a second skin, leaving nothing to the imagination.

"Let's see about that." he yelled playfully, reaching her with four, long, steps.

Cora let him catch her, embracing his neck with her right arm, enjoying the feeling of his warm skin pressed against hers; she felt rather hot still, yet that sensation was blissfully like always.

Robert didn't noticed her other arm bent behind her back and when she stretched it out, placing a really drenched hat on his head, a flow of brownish water covered his face for a moment, taking his breath away.

"Score." she called between laughs "Now we're even."

"But you're _even_ more a minx." he bit hard the air, grinning with his teeth, so close to her face and Cora giggled. "And I love you."

Robert chuckled, content with himself, when his wife's cheeks grew red.

"Is that so?" Cora bit her lower lips, tilting her head so that her mouth was brushing against his neck. He felt chills, not sure if that reaction was because of the cold or because of his wife.

"Don't you love me?" he squeezed her playfully in his grip until she fussed to free herself.

"I do." she answered, short of breath "I do love you, very much." she added and with no hesitation she pressed her wet lips on his.  
He parted his at once, welcoming her mouth in a warm and lascivious kiss, which they broke only when they needed to breath, lungs burning for both of them.  
They felt dizzy, they felt lovesick, they felt passionate and needing.

Soon enough she sensed his hands exploring every inch of her back, pressing tediously her last cloth on her skin; one thing she'd always hated, was a wet material stuck on her body. Cora just wanted to get rid of it.  
She gripped onto his neck with one arm, while her free hand worked as fast as it could on the epaulettes, lowering them, exposing her shoulders with ease.

Robert stood dumb, eyes darkened and focused on the ivory skin of his wife, utterly trembling at the thought of having her so near, in so unexpected manners, in so _unusual_ manners; of having his prude and coy Cora so lascivious and beautifully demanding for the same thing he yearned.  
His hands caressed precisely all her most sensitive spots he'd found during the years, his fingers played with her earlobe, fell on her neck, touched her shoulder and her chest, down to her breasts, pulling the fabric away with a tender yet firm stroke.

Cora felt her petticoat slid around her hips, loosely supported by the water before getting soaked and beginning to sunk; by the time the cloth was around her ankles, she simply stepped out of it.  
Robert didn't even notice.

His light blue eyes lingered on her naked body, both the part he was holding and the other half under not-so-clear waters. She was beautiful even with those hundreds of unknown piece of dirt covering her pale skin; he imagined he was no less soiled than she was, still he found the whole thing unbelievably exciting.. and so should she, because her mischievous grin had never left her lips.

Robert kissed her once more, his hand continuing its travel on Cora's soft skin down to her abdomen, her hip, her leg, pausing before reaching the place where she needed him the most.  
She moaned on his lips, giving him reasons for enhance his feat.  
He felt her fingers dwelling on the nape of his neck before dipping into his hair, stroking his wet locks at the pace of his shifting.

"Robert." her voice was marvellously harsh "Why don't we move to the beach?"

"Beach?" he asked blankly, not getting distracted from his ministration. Cora's pleasure was now his _raison d'être_. "Beach, beach, of course." he nodded confusedly. Now that she mentioned, he _of course_ could see the white sand and the tropical trees and a really nice spot in the shades of a green palm, already setted with a colourful and welcoming blanket that was waiting just for them.

"Let's go, my queen." he added, departed reluctantly from his wife.

Cora groaned softly in disappointment, only to smile on his lips few moments later, when she felt the stiff grip of her husband on her thighs, urging her to clench her legs on his hips.

He carried her easily out of the water, most of the muck washing off their bodies, until his feet met their neglected clothes lying on the ground.  
Robert joined once again his wife's lips with eager passion while sitting down on his grey jacket and Cora's creased dress' skirt.

Cora was comfortably sitting on his lap, her arms loosely placed around his neck, her mouth fastened to his.

When he tried to push her down, by straightening his back and bending over her, showing his will to have her leant on her back, Cora placed gently her palm on his chest, stopping him to forge ahead.  
He didn't understand. Not until her fingers ran on his torso, down to his navel, unbuttoning the last item that keep him to be as much expose as she was.

She jerkily glanced his body with a wide smile, before adding more pressure to where her palm was just moments ago, urging him to lay down on his elbow while she was settle herself, each knee next to both of his sides.  
Cora leant on him, tenderly, despite her slight muddiness that could have played an evil joke on them; she closed her eyes at the sweet sensation of having his husband so close to her.

Robert soon realized he couldn't remained still for long; he stood slightly up, reaching a half-sitting position that allowed him to be more comfortable and even nearer to Cora as well. He placed his hands on his wife's hips, guiding her within her skilful and wise thrusts, not that she needed any kind of guidance, of course.

Suddenly he felt her nails touching his shoulder, his back, driving his chest to hers, back together, closer and closer, completely joint.  
Their shared giddiness played deliciously with their sensations and emotions, feeding their burning fire that grew and spread inside of their united bodies.

They felt like magic.

A perfect combination of pure desire, passion, love and peculiar _happiness_ that took over their minds in a blink of an eye. Their heart raced at the same speed, following their panting breaths, their yearning fingers, their hungry mouths and clenching figures.  
Their lips were sealed to one another when they both reached their realises.  
Sweet moans of intense love fading into their ears, getting lost into the deepest corners of the forest.

Robert leant down, holding Cora close to his chest, his hands tracing lazy circles on her back.  
She rested peacefully against his warm skin, slothful playing with his hair, a content smile curling her lip, mimicking her husband's satisfied expression.

A whirlwind drowsiness fell upon them.  
They stood completely still for no more than a couple of minutes, lids trembling and swirls of colours and pretty images flowing before them.  
It stayed all silent and calm, until Robert shot himself up in a sitting position.

"The ship!" Cora fussed in confusion over his chest, not knowing what was going on; most of all why her husband had startled like that out of nowhere, making her heart jump in her throat.

"What _ship_?" she turned her head several times, striving to follow Robert's mad eyes.

" _Our_ ship." he stood up in a moment, leaving a very puzzled Cora alone on their special blanket.

"I see no ship." she whispered in a soft voice. Robert threw up his hands in horror, facing the lake and then his wife.

"Oh sweet Lord it _sunk_!" Cora's jaw dropped. She was panicking.  
Yes, that made sense: why else on earth they were alone on a desert island, stark naked, tired and hungry?

"We-we're castaways!" she loudly whined, covering her mouth with her hand, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. Oh how sad, evil fate!

"There, there." Robert hopped back to his wife, holding her and rocking her until she calmed down. He pulled her up, one arm gripped on the small of her back, the other outstretched before him, showing her the forest and the lake like it was an entire kingdom. After all, he was the man, the king of the new and unexplored valley and she was his woman, his queen, to love and to protect.  
He pumped his chest, taking a solemn pose, all his not-so-tonic muscles in tension.

"We are the sultans of this land." he proclaimed with swinging voice "We'll live prosperously and happily until the end of our days." Cora nodded enthusiastically.

Downton was right behind them, around 100 yards away.

* * *

"It's been too long." Mary declared, biting boringly a safe cinnamon biscuit.

"I guess they're having fun." Rose giggled before sipping from her teacup.

"I just hope they won't do anything blameworthy." the brunette sighed delightfully at the thought of her impeccable parents being a total mess somewhere in the estate, although she had to appeared disappointed by the situation. "Otherwise I'll be blaming you."

"What's the new?" breathed Edith with whiny voice. She was the only one who was really concerned by the whole thing: they could have fallen into a ditch without even realizing it.

"Oh well-" both Rose and Edith look up blankly at Mary "Fetch your coats, ladies."

"What?" Rose was shocked.

"Granny will be here in an hour and it's our duty of have our parents back by then, preferable with a decent look. We can't send some valet, of course."

"You want to look for them?" Edith stood up as well. She was quite doubtful, yet, she couldn't see other solutions.

"Do you have any better ideas?"

"No."

"Good. Because you'd already done enough." Edith lowered her eyes, feeling sad, miserable and terribly guilty.  
She'd have punched Rose right in the face.  
But it was _her_ fault after all. Why, _why_ on earth did she agree in the first place?  
Who knew what disgraceful show was waiting for them..

Mary walked out of the library first, leading that curious gang of three: she'd missed being in charge of something and she couldn't deny that the unexpected job was of her liking, at least her mind was busy.

"Off we go."


	3. 18:40

**NdA: Hello and welcome back!** Sorry for the delay guys but I was writing other things.. anyway, here's the 3rd chapter of this little mad story. **  
**

 **I bring you now to the core of madness.  
It's a silly update but I had a lot of fun writing so I'm going to share this with you! Hope you like it!  
**And uhm, yes, I included some cameos here and there, from different tv shows I love and I may have taken inspiration from one of Liz's songs.

Last but not least, thank you all so much! To everyone who read it, followed and even favourited. My deep gratitude to all reviewers: Breesecretdaught, witchoesed and latifraise my love goes to you :)

 _Enjoy!_

 _[I'm not a native, so forgive my mistakes!]_

* * *

18:40

"Y'know, love, this rags are providential." commented Robert, voice focused and severe, while tearing their fine clothes with his bare hands. He firstly took off his jacket's sleeves, assembling a pretty bra for his wife – the enclosure was rather rough, but it worked – and then he separated the dress' skirt from the top, wrapping the velvety fabric around her hips and legs. Naturally it was just a part of the whole skirt (they could have needed the rest for some emergencies) and her skin, from the middle thigh to the ankles was free.

For him, easier task, Cora arranged his white silk shirt around his hips, covering the bare essential, laughing so hard when she realized she'd created a fine napkin for her very adult husband. The fact it was white, then, made the thing even worst.

"Aw look at him with his pretty stick." she teased, with the voice she used to use with her baby daughters and, now, with little George, as soon as he stretched up his back and pointed a raw staff next to him in the ground.

"This is not a stick!" he yelled, deeply hurt "It's my weapon against lions! I need it to protect you." he bowed to collect the remain fabrics from the ground and closed his eyes, when he passed by her, for a more solemn aspect.

"Don't be ridiculous, Robert. There are no lions here." she sat into the grass and began to unfasten the shoelaces of their boots: some strings could always be useful.

"How do you know?" his voice waved "We don't even know where the bloody hell we are!" he threw his arms at the lake, pointing at the forest and the river to underline his words and the evidence of their condition.

"All-right, darling. Don't be melodramatic." she sighed, determined not to prove him right even in front of the evidence "I'll say we need to set our priorities."

"Good." he hit the ground with his staff "Shelter."

"What about a tree house?" Cora nodded to herself, glancing up until she found the perfect tree that could do the job.

"Water." he went on with his list.

"Of course." she nodded again "We have plenty."

"Food." he rose his middle finger to keep track.

"Well- I don't know if this plants are edible. We should go hunting.. maybe we'll find something."

"Children."

" _Children_?" Her blue eyes were wide open in shock while his face hadn't change his serious pose.

"Of course. As far as we know.. we might need to repopulate the earth."

"The earth, Robert?" he furrowed his brows, shutting his eyes closed.

 _Good_ , Cora thought, he was getting more reasonable.

"At least this place. Loneliness is fatal, love, and we shall need a progeny for our kingdom."

Cora had been left alone with her mouth open.  
Robert was already on his way to find some food, without giving her the chance to reply, his stick in his hand and a very determined look on his face.

* * *

"We've been walking from ages!" she whined loudly, dragging her feet one after the other like she had some serious balance issue.

"It was only five minutes, love!" he yelled back, both surprised and annoyed. "I'm trying to save our lives and the only thing you can do is complain!" he felt a rock hitting his bare back. "Cora!" Robert sharply turned, just to look at the innocent, angelic face of his wife poking a leaf with her index.

"What?" she asked "Beside, I can easily disprove it." clear was her reference to their previous.. activities. He groaned frustrated and took her by her wrist, pulling her while following the path.  
Cora let him drag her, giggling every so often and eventually, smoothed his anger with her soft, familiar, adorable laugh.

They ended up wandering aimlessly in the countryside, up and down the green hills, not completely aware of the nature of the site, battling between reality and _their_ reality, which was the cause of their assumption of being in the core of a beautiful, tropical island seeking for something that could have assured them surviving, and for a lifetime.  
Robert's mind was bouncing from the idea of having an entire island – a kingdom – for him and his wife, to the recent reading of Robinson Crusoe he had, which for some reason it turned him into a perfect master of being a castaway.. not that he was totally aware of the source of his knowledge, of course.

"Look!" Robert suddenly spread his arms. Cora wasn't pay much attention to him, too busy admiring the trees, and she painfully hit his staff with her stomach.

"Ah!" she whined. Robert shushed her with rudeness.

"Do you want to scare the local fauna?!" he scolded, pointing at some placid caramel cows eating green grass "That's our only food source!"

"I'm not scaring anyone!" she complained, lowering her eyes to see the animals on pasture at the feet of the hills on which they were standing. "Aw, they're cute!"

Robert frowned and sighed loud. Hundreds of big eyes raised in unison to watch the strange couple approaching.

"Now who scared them?" scolded Cora in low voice, hands on her hips.

"They're not running, aren't they?" he replied, waving his staff in the air. "I caught their attention."

"For what?" she enquired, stepping forward him to reach the nearest cow.  
It was a funny animal, so fat and brown with its gentle big eyes and its tail swishing a cloud of flies away. Cora dared to pet the cow on its head and in return it moved its pink wet nose to breath a white cloud of steam, quickly dissipating into the air. "I thinks she likes me!" she beamed. Robert of course ignored that awkward friendship.

"To make the cow our food!" he stated firmly.

Cora's black eyes, due to her dilated pupil, widened and her jaw dropped in shock.

"You can't kill her, she's my friend!" she protested, throwing her arms around the cow's bold neck.

"Cora, for God's sake, it's a cow!" he whined "We need food, I'm hungry and-"

"I won't let you touch Cowntess!" she shut her eyes and the cow lowed.

"You can't name our food and you can't name it _Cowntess_!" he yelled frustrated but Cora didn't seem to move.

"I can and I did. No more meat. She'd suffer!" she nestled her cheek on the cow's fur, enjoying its warmth and softness. "I'm vegetarian."

"Since when?" Robert's voice was the mix of annoyance and shock.

"Since now. Cowntess is the best friend I've ever had."

"That says a lot." he muttered in despair, not knowing what to do. She stuck her tongue out. "Come on, then, we need to find something else." he said, flat voice.

"No! I can't leave her here all alone!" Cora whined, holding tight the cow while it chewed completely untroubled by their presence.

"Alone?! There are thousands of Cowntesses."

"But she's my friend.." she pouted.

Robert groaned totally bugged and he pointed the ground before him. "That's it, love!" he yelled. The cow decided she'd had enough and decided to head back to its own peers. "Don't!" he added, when he noticed that Cora was going to follow the animal. "Sit." he ordered and Cora obeyed, pouting and with her arms crossed.

"You're mean." she said under breath.

"First of all, I'm the Alpha." he crossed his arms on his chest. "So you have to do what _I_ say!"

"And who am I, then?" Cora was playing carelessly with some dirt, her big blue and black eyes low.

"You're the Alpha's wife, of course." he muttered softly, conceding her that little victory.

Cora's face lightened up.

"I'm the _true_ Alpha, then!" she happily cried out, making Robert jerk.

"No, no, no. That's simply out of the question!" he waved furiously his arms, forming several crosses in front of him. "I decide." he poked his own chest with his thumb.

"Don't yell!" she complained, sighing to show her yielding.

"Good." he swelled his lunges with a deep breath "Now. First, we need to revise our priorities."

"Again?!" moaned Cora, a little groan of frustration vibrating in her throat.

"Yes. We need roles in this Island. Until we get used to this new life." he proclaimed, hitting the ground with his staff.

"But, please." she teased, extending her right arm as she was to introduce him to a crowd.

"Mmh." Robert began to walk in front of her, back and forth with her arms behind her back and the staff tracing a trembling line on his footprints. "We are in a dangerous place, recruit."

"Please tell me you're joking.." sang Cora just above whisper.

"Silence!" Cora jumped on her spot.

"Our life depends on our choices. We are in a hostile island and we can count only on each other. Understand, recruit?" she nodded, biting on her lips to avoid bursting into laughs. He stared at her.

"Oh- er, Yes."

"Yes, _what_?"

"If you think I'll call you 'sir', Robert, just get that thought out of your head this instant because I won't do it." she closed her eyes, raising her chin to the sky to show her utter disapproval.

"Fine, recruit. You shall call me Robinson, then." Cora stared blankly at him. "Like Robinson Crusoe. We shall get inspiration from him. We will absorb his power!" he was watching at her with one of his crazy looks and his fists close near, too near maybe, her face.

"You're going insane, Robert-"

"Robinson!"

"You can not possibly be serious, Rob-"

"-inson." he paused utterly satisfied "And you shall be Friday."

"Friday? I don't like _Friday_!" she whined loudly.

"What would you like then?" he sighed desperate, rubbing the top of his nose with his fingers.

"Monday. It's more feminine. I think I was born on a Monday, also-"

"All-right, all-right, I get it! Monday it is."

* * *

"Sweet Lord father of Heavens.." Mary spoke in shock, her mind empty, her eyes widening and blinking slowly.

Cora and Robert had climbed on a tree and they were screaming something about coconuts and beehives. The three girls couldn't see much from beneath, but they could surely see they were half naked. Neither Mary or Edith had ever seen so much bare skin of their parents in one time: it was frightening, truly frightening.

"When they'll come back to their senses we'll have to beg to save us from their wrath." Rose said, battling hard between laugh and scare.

"You'll have to beg _me_ to save you from _my_ wrath!" yelled Mary, turning sharply to the younger blonde "Granny's coming to dinner tonight! They're a complete mess!"

"How much of that _thing_ did you use?" Edith shook Rose's shoulder violently.

"...All?" she whispered with a guilty face. It was more an answer than a question.

" _All_?" Mary looked up for the last time "How long it'll last?" Robe bite on her own bottom lips, not sure what was the better reply. That was clear enough. "Oh, you're so screwed."


	4. 19:20 FIN

**NdA: So yep, what can I say? This is my last update for this story. Maybe I'll add another extra chapter in the future but who can tell.**

 **Anyway, this is the end *Adele singing in the background* thanks to all of you from the bottom of my heart! To all who followed, favourited and most of all reviewed this madness of mine :)  
**

My deep gratitude to all reviewers: witchoesed, latifraise, Breesecretdaught, lulin and Dream of Ragtime. Much, much love!

To all of you, old and new,

 _Enjoy!_

[I'm not a native, so forgive my mistakes!]

* * *

19:20

"I'm telling you, that's a coconut!" yelled Cora, hanging from a branch with her dizzy eyes fixed on her feet: she was too far away to touch the wood beneath her and too weak to pull herself up so she could join her husband, so she just stayed there, swaying every now and then to kill time.

"Love, that's a beehive!" he yelled back.

"Be a man and get the coconut!" she snapped "I'm hungry. Your fear of heights is not a good excuse!"

"I'm hungry too!" he screamed with a whining voice "But that's a beehive!"

"I doubt it but if you decided to have honey for dinner, we shall have honey for dinner." she sighed frustrated "You're a despotic Alpha, you know?"

"I didn't decided- ahhhh" he groaned loudly "I'll get the bloody beehive. But if I die, I won't talk to you ever again!" he warned, just before starting to hit the branch above his head with his loyal staff.

"Robert!" she cried right after "You're hurting the tree!" she shook her legs furiously "Don't you hear the screams?!"

"Love, I'm getting tired of-" Robert stopped his arm in the mid-air. He heard some screams too, actually.  
He clenched to the trunk, moving his eyes around the trees, the bushes and all over the countryside, but nothing appeared.

"Mama! Papa!" Mary was looking up, hand on her forehead to shield the last sunbeams before the sunset.

"There's someone!" Cora yelled happily and in one act of bravery, she let herself fall and clumsily grabbed the branch beneath her.

Edith gulped and closed her eyes: she saw, for a moment, her mother splashed on the ground.

"Our subjects came to greet us!" screamed Robert with enthusiasm, climbing down from the tree with elegance.

"The situation is way more serious than we believed." muttered Rose as he sight laid on her cousins, her very adult cousins, jumping off from a tree with nothing more than rags to cover themselves, severe balance issue and really dumb smiles spread across their red faces.

"You shut up!" snapped Mary in shock and Rose hid herself behind Edith.  
The older blonde was looking quite furious herself, but at least she didn't seem like she would have slap her in her face at her next breath.

"Robert, darling, aren't they quite familiar?" Cora tightened her eyes as she stepped closer.

All the three girls went stiff when, all of a sudden, they saw Cora running toward them at full speed, with her blue eyes wide open and her pearly teeth flickering.  
"Mama?" Mary stretched her arms when she decided her mother was too close, but it didn't protect her at all from the possessive hugs Cora gave them, combined with noisily kisses and tears.

"My babies!" she whined loudly, clenching them hard as she spoke.

"Mama, mama.. leave us!" Mary protested. She wasn't used at those performances of affection, she disliked pointless kisses and hugs and now that all of that was due to an unwanted spell and a deplorable herb, she found the whole thing utterly disgusting.

"Oh my babies!" Cora went on, deaf to all their complains "You came to save us!"

"We're all lost!" Robert's deeper voice overtook his wife's squeals, and soon enough he joined the hug, enclosing all the four women between his arms.

Rose couldn't stop giggling, Mary was squirming and complaining, Edith was about to cry like a child out of frustration.

"Did you lost yourself too, babies?" asked Cora, kissing them more possessively. "My poor babies!"

"Mama, papa, you're choking me!" Edith finally manage to say, when the need of air overcame her harassment. "We're not lost!" she added, as soon as her breath allowed her.

"We're not?" quizzed him, frowning his brows and shaking his second daughter from her shoulders "How can this be?"

"Is it a new island embedded to England?" asked Cora to the eldest one. Her eyes, however, wondered on Mary's frock, puzzled "How did you manage to keep your clothes during the sinking?"

"What- island, what sinking, for God's sake, mama?" she exasperated groaned.  
Cora pouted and her eyes went watery.  
What did she do to deserve a scold by her own daughter?

"Mary! Look what you did!" Robert voice waved as she flew to his wife, cuddling her close "You made your mother cry, you should be ashamed!" his lower lip bent into the weirdest curve ever and it was hard not to laugh at his face.

"I-" Mary stared at her parents with her mouth opened in shock. They were hugging, kissing, all while still half-naked.. it was much more than she could've bore. "Stop this!" she yelled firmly.

Both Robert and Cora jerked awkwardly on the spot.  
"You're going too far, young lady!" Robert pointed his index toward his eldest daughter and she couldn't do more than staring at his pad, crossing her eyes.

"Robert!" Cora whined loudly, hugging tightly Mary, petting her on her face, careless if she was sticking her fingers into her mouth "She's upset! She's lost just like everyone else here!"

"Mama!" Mary yelled into her ear and Cora was forced to step back "Stop this at once! Were not lost!" Mary put her gloved hands on her mother's cheeks, squeezing and forcing her to turn her head.  
Suddenly, the blurred silhouette of the manor appeared to her eyes, more and more sharpen as the seconds passed.

" _Ik fat_ _tounfon_?" Cora's jaw moved hardly as she tried to speak, her voice flat. Mary huffed highly frustrated and released her from her grip.

"What?" he finger went to squeeze her mother's shoulder, shaking her a little.

"I said 'is that Downton'?"

"Yes, mama." Mary answered with a condescending tone "That's Downton. You're not lost. You're home." she was staring in her mother's eyes, talking to her like she would have talked to a child or to the dumbest person on earth.  
But that position was not in her advantage.  
It only took Cora the slightest effort to throw herself in Mary's arms again, squeezing her and kissing every inch of skin accessible.

"You saved us!" Robert yelled happily, hugging Edith and Rose who were taken aback. He lifted the both of them for a second, kissing their cheeks "How did you do that?"

"Don't worry about that, cousin Robert." giggled Rose, slipping her hand under his arm, sure that he would have protect her from Edith and Mary's anger for a while. "What did you do here?" she asked then, genuinely curious.

Robert's smile spread on his face and rushed to his wife's side, pulling Rose in the meanwhile.

"We had the greatest time!" Cora squealed, giving the last kiss to her eldest before she managed to pull back, frowning and complaining.

"Yes, yes! We took a bath.." Robert rose his pinky toe.

"We had some terrific fun too." Cora winked to her daughter who immediately made a disgusted face.

"Ew." for a moment, Mary and Edith's voice became one.

"What's the 'terrific fun' about?" Rose enquired innocently, bouncing her sight on all the people around.  
Cora was about to answer, but Mary covered her mouth with her hand.

"You don't want to know, Rose dear." Edith patted on the youngest's shoulder.

"Oh."

"And your mother met a cow." sighed Robert, shaking his head.

Cora nodded enthusiastically and Mary convinced herself it was safe to let her talk.  
"Cowntess! She's my friend!"

"And then what?" Rose asked again.

"Run." Edith's voice was blank but Robert couldn't care less.

"Yes! We ran upon the hills and-"

"Run."

"I'm telling you we ran. If you don't interrupt me-"

"Run!" screamed Edith lastly, pointing at the beehive that had just fallen, realising a cloud of angry bees heading to them at full speed.

"I told you it was a beehive!" Robert pulled and pushed everyone as they bolted toward the manor.

* * *

"You either tell me what's going on upstairs or I'm going to find out by myself." Violet hit the carpet with her cane, her expression utterly severe and rather frustrated.

Rose adjusted on her seat, giggling awkwardly as her fingers toyed nervously with a pillow.  
"Nothing, aunt Violet." she smiled gracefully "Everything's perfectly all-right." but then they heard quick steps of someone running above their head and suddenly Violet stared at the chandelier with horror, as if she was prepared to see it fall down any minute.

"You're a terrible liar." she muttered without looking at the girl "And no one seems to care to get your back."

Rose cleared her throat.

" _Mama!_ " the muffled yell of Mary reached their ears " _You get back in here!_ " now there were definitely two people running in circle above them " _Mama get back in the bathtub right now!_ " a thump " _No, no! You can't run naked in the corridors!_ "

Rose just burrowed into the couch, covering her face with her hand.

Violet let out a small laugh of incredulity.  
"Well that's something I would have never expected to hear in my life." she sighed, returning to stare the girl in front of her "Is it some sort of flu? Is it contagious?" her voice was awfully serious and Rose just shook her head feeling miserable.

" _Birds are singing far and near, roses blooming ev'rywhere!"_

Violet's jaw dropped when the well-know voice of hi son reached her ears.  
So not only Cora was drunk or something very similar, but Robert was too.. and that dreadful song again! It was the most horrible nightmare.  
America was haunting her and it was going to haunt her up until her last day on earth.

" _You, alone, my heart can cheer; you, just you!"_ both their heads turned when Cora answered singing from the other room.  
Edith and Mary's complains were audible too, but also useless.

" _Let me call you 'Sweetheart', I'm in love with youuu.."_ Edith must've stomped with her heel on Robert's foot or something, begging him to stop; she just made him whine loud for few seconds, then, from his side, followed the silence.

" _Let me hear you whisper that you love me too!"_ Cora reached her high note, making Violet shiver.

"Aunt Violet, I can explain.." Rose mumbled, feeling her cheeks burn and her hands trembled.

"I'm all ears, dear." she stated firmly. "I guess it's a long story." the girl nodded shyly, clenching hard her pillow.

"Well, it all started with Mary.." she began, closing her eyes and praying not to be beaten with that cane, although she knew she might have deserved it.

Violet was listening carefully to her words, pouring some tea, choosing a cookie to calm down the little languor she felt.  
A plate of brown chocolate squares hidden behind a strawberry cake seemed the perfect snack.

"Are those some kind of new sweets?" she enquired and without waiting for her answer, she bit into it.

Rose's eyes grew wide at the realization. She felt like fainting.  
Aunt Violet ate one of her brownie.  
It was too late.  
Mary surely would have killed her this time.

 _FIN_


End file.
